The motive for giving advice is not always as pure as people pretend. As a social creature, we are made uncomfortable by other people’s pain. It disturbs us and we take action that will return ourselves to a state of comfort rather than be connecting with the pain that someone else is experiencing. Especially, people command others to recover for entirely selfish reasons. We do not take the time to differentiate between what WE want and what the other really needs. In this post, I will be exploring the dimensions of human behaviours starting from the heart of our existence.
I always possess the feeling that we operate purely on instinct and we never really understand what someone needs and we are becoming increasingly irrelevant among ourselves. I worry that there is a tendency to believe that one size fits all advice and though driven by good intention on the outside, it serves to disconnect people from reality. There is plenty of people promoting the ‘let go, move on’ mantras. In fact, I hear it so often that I have begun to suspect a mass mind control operation in play. As an experiment, just take the time to recognise how many times you encounter this command every day. It is astonishing!
Intelligence is self-awareness or understanding that we are part of nature. Back in the day, communities were much smaller and knowledge was less spread out. So people lived in tribes because that is all they knew. But today, Tribalism has come to mean something different. We are more connected than ever but we still feel more alone and the modern life is making us feel more lonely. The introduction of social media has made relationships superficial and we have become more reliant on social technology rather than face to face interactions.
It is important to understand Aristotle’s view on friendship. Here is what he says: Virtuous friendship, however, is described as complete and the ultimate form of love. This type of friendship happens between very few people these days. Those involved in virtuous friendships will be able to value loving over being loved and as such, their relationship will be based more around loving the other person and wanting what is good for them. Despite being a very solitary soul and having talked a lot about stillness and silence, Pico Iyer says: “I think to be human really means to be connected”. These days, our friendships or relationships are limited to Facebook and Instagram. Loneliness is usually the result of self-compassion and it is something we need to get rid off. We are however equipped with tools to overcome loneliness.
We human beings are fundamentally flawed species and with time our brain has become increasingly complex and we have become smarter but we still possess that “reptilian mind” which makes us act subjectively instead of collectively and use our gifts of intelligence to destroy each other. I believe that it is important to selectively breed it out of us. It is important to understand that, relationships or friendships are not about understanding each other. They are meant to be an education towards becoming two better people. There’s still hope. Love is still here and we can all share it and grow it more every day. Acceptance and conversation are keys to growing love. It is normal to feel hate but then you have to remember it is caused mainly by the reptilian brain.